here today

 

genograms and traineeship part 2

so much news!

I begin with the four bunches of tulips next to me on the desk so happy that it's Spring cherry trees everywhere. Spring! went for a walk yesterday a bunny ran across the path and I laughed like a kid. Spring. yes.

my next topic is about how I will begin again to learn to be a therapist. My new traineeship starts in the summer. My new traineeship wherein the supervisor is not insane but in fact nurturing. My new traineeship for which I will choose a theory and then see how it plays out in the therapy room. I am leaning towards Attachment though I tend towards avoidance myself so that should make the whole experiment pretty interesting.

finally there is the genogram map of my family in all of their chaos and infamy. if you've done one you know the twenty hours of work calling relatives for dates and drama and births, deaths, divorces, incest. then graphing it out in color delineating between the murderers and the Baptists and the smokers and the abused. It measured three feet across and yes I wrote measured in the past tense because it is missing. lost for nearly three weeks now between my office and the professor's home no way to track it no way to find it no way to know who has seen it and why.

I mean, it was not the work that I had put into it that makes it so painful - it is the thought of me out there in the world somewhere not in control of who sees me & what they do with that seeing - I like to roll all of it up and tuck it inside mostly - I've been called by those who love me and by those frustrated by trying to know me - an onion, a cipher, whatever - someone with layers and layers hidden away - so WOW - to have some of those layers exposed unwittenly unbidden unchosen just really freaks me the fuck out.

I had copies rough ones - Ben said be sure to make copies. Ben, I said, this thing can't disappear it is my life the life of my family all of the secrets in one envelope it can't wander off that would not be okay. Make copies he said and I did - so two days ago sent the taped and muddled copies messy second rate version using the same type of white tyvek envelope and sharpie to write out her name the name of the one person who is supposed to receive it. please send out your prayers with mine that it flies straight this time that genogram.

Posted by: 120pages at 13:04 | link | comments (2) |