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saturday I am going to an Alchemical Wedding. what is that you ask and I understand the question because up until I was cast as the Sea Nymph who invites everyone into the ceremonial fire area - up until then I was also In The Dark with regards to Alchemical Weddings. truth be told and shouldn't it always. truth be told I am still rather in the dark but I should know more on Sunday which is after Saturday and my stint as a Sea Nymph. wish me luck.
in my family, my family of origin as we budding therapists like to say. in my family of origin reaching for more, for something Beyond was Not Okay. In my family I was taught to be good, stay small, obey, don't let the dogs out, keep still, and pray.
so it was a shock to me, coming from this family, to speak with my Boss today and lay it out for her. It was a shock to say I'm in school, I have dreams beyond what you see, beyond my reach right now, but I am working towards them and I will arrive. I said that I will need more time off this year because I want something for my life. I want something that is bigger than what I was told I could have.
I said it and then I waited for the inevitable smoosh of family that I knew when I was little. I knew it when I was little and I trained myself to stay so small that the smooshers didn't even see me. You Were The One I Didn't Have to Think About said my mom and that is the phrase I danced to on Saturday night with my crazy classmates on a hill overlooking the ocean.
I waited so scared and nervous I said my piece and then I waited. My Boss she smiled across the desk and then my Boss she said to me she said you are a treasure. good luck and we wish you well and let me know what I can do to help.
I danced on Saturday night with my crazy classmates we danced for hours and I shouted even now my throat is hoarse from the noise I made. I wasn't small or quiet or still or good but I was prayerful. My own kind of prayers I pray for joy and surprise and delight. I pray for you all to stretch out your souls and see what you can be where you can go. And I pray that someone tells you that you are a treasure as you are now and as you want to be tomorrow and forever.
amen.
